When one Amchi* meets another,
It’s time for Einstein to pull out his hair!
For, the Theory of Relative-ity,
is beaten, pounded till every link is laid bare!
Your Grandfather’s paternal cousin’s grand-aunt’s niece
is none other than me!
Proclaims the plump lady with glee!
Oh your Father-in-law’s youngest brother’s daughter-in-law’s sister
is married into my second cousin’s maternal aunt’s family – don’t you know?
States the tall man with the beetling brow!
The unravelling progresses at the speed of light
in wedding halls and functions –look at the people in sight!
“See that woman in the Orange Saree?
With the necklace in gold Filigree?”
“Who? Where? Which? Light Orange or Dark? Green border or Fawn?”
But Mrs-know-it-all is done with her and has just moved on,
to the brides’ mother’s maternal aunt’s cousin’s daughter
who attracted attention with her raucous laughter.
I sit feeling drained of energy,
Wish I could be supine and give in to this lethargy,
I feel like I’m back in the class of ‘84
My mind could absorb no more,
and the whole class had a defeated air,
When the professor finally said E = mC2 !
* Amchi - Our small community of Chitrapur Saraswat Brahmins (we call ourselves Amchis, our language is a musical sounding dialect of Konkani - distinct from Goan Konkani, karwari konkani and is known as Amchigele) is a closely knit community where most people know one another or if not, then within a few minutes of meeting, will surely find out at least 3 common relatives!
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